[ it's an old memory, his mind reaching for stability in the familiar. the last time someone had died for him and placed their soul in his hands and told him to find the answers. his eyes were still a brilliant shade of gold back then — because john was still just a man who hadn't yet committed the indelible sin that would make him God — and he held her human soul in his hands like he'd held set's Shard. his awareness had expanded then, seeing beyond the flickering candle of a human soul to the raging fire that utterly dwarfed it. he felt the anger and pain of a world in distress. the world was screaming, and he just wanted it to stop.
ten billion candles that drew their flames from the inferno, all snuffed out instantly. john coveted that fire and took it for himself, consumed it, nearly burning himself to death in the process, reliving the moment he killed the world and everyone in it. it had been for mercy in the end. he had to avenge her. they had forced his hand.
the memories recede, but not before leaving set with an impression of a woman with long, blonde hair and eyes the same shade of gold as john's had once been. one can see how he might've mistaken quetzalcoatl for her once. she feels like set — like wild places and hot sand and the black earth on the banks of the nile, but also of the salt seas and the dark, deep places of the earth. she is not human, but not a god either but a secret, third thing. john loves her; it's a desperate sort of love that overwhelms and blinds you, but still, he couldn't save her. he couldn't save anyone. ]
Stop.
[ everything freezes again like hitting pause on a video, and then it's all gone as if john had drawn back a curtain and hidden it from sight. he's ashamed and embarrassed to have such private things out in the open, but he can't put walls between them even though he'd like to. they're much too closely connected like this. ]
cw: for big nona the ninth spoilers lmao the kenos lore resumes next tag
ten billion candles that drew their flames from the inferno, all snuffed out instantly. john coveted that fire and took it for himself, consumed it, nearly burning himself to death in the process, reliving the moment he killed the world and everyone in it. it had been for mercy in the end. he had to avenge her. they had forced his hand.
the memories recede, but not before leaving set with an impression of a woman with long, blonde hair and eyes the same shade of gold as john's had once been. one can see how he might've mistaken quetzalcoatl for her once. she feels like set — like wild places and hot sand and the black earth on the banks of the nile, but also of the salt seas and the dark, deep places of the earth. she is not human, but not a god either
but a secret, third thing.john loves her; it's a desperate sort of love that overwhelms and blinds you, but still, he couldn't save her. he couldn't save anyone. ]Stop.
[ everything freezes again like hitting pause on a video, and then it's all gone as if john had drawn back a curtain and hidden it from sight. he's ashamed and embarrassed to have such private things out in the open, but he can't put walls between them even though he'd like to. they're much too closely connected like this. ]
It's fine. I've got it.