BUTLR OVERFLOW ( SALTBURNT )

[redsoil]

SET saltburnt

I know how to get into every single one of your rooms. This is a threat.

AGE		N/A MILENNIA+		HEIGHT		6'0"
SIGN		𓃩 this is me		JOB		GOD OF WAR & THE DESERT
SEXUALITY		EXPLORING?		DIET		VEGETARIAN
SMOKE		YES		DRINK		YES

INTERESTS

HUNTINGCOMBATSPORTSINTELLECTUAL CONVERSATION GOING HOME

LOOKING FOR

MENTOR(S)SERVANT(S)WORSHIPPER(S)

SWIPE RIGHT
<span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#d29efe;">✓</span>

SWIPE LEFT
<span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#86f3f3;">✕</span>

Comments

[godspark]

oh

well i lived in the field. our use was mainly for the blood they took from us. they farmed us for that, and bred us to keep the population controlled. they kept us fed and exercised so we were healthy, and that's as much as they cared about. the rest of the time they left us to our own devices, and there wasn't anything to do, really, except talk, or fight, or fuck.

that was what we did. we'd fuck because someone was pissed and needed stress relief, or because we'd had a fight and it spilled into something else, or because someone was showing someone else who was boss that day, or because someone needed to feel better about themselves, or just because we were fucking bored, honestly. and it happened especially after breeding, because everything about that was terrible. you'd feel better, doing it in your own way with the men who'd touch you because they wanted to. it was a reminder that, i don't know, we were more than just bags of blood waiting for the next needle. sex outside of breeding, when it was just us getting each other through being awake, that felt good. not much ever felt good about that life. so you take what you can when you can, and i know i sure as fuck wasn't letting them take that from me too.

maybe it only makes sense if you were there. i don't know.

my first time with a woman outside of breeding was strange, though. or i felt strange. i didn't really know how women liked it or anything about how their bodies worked because i only ever saw them during breeding and that wasn't exactly time for talking or exploring or anything. i've only done it with that one woman outside of breeding. it's not that i don't want to, it's just. i suppose it doesn't feel as natural.

that was long, that's a lot of text. sorry.

[redsoil]

[ oh WOW

The mortals of his world did not exactly have power ( that was the duty of the gods, after all ) and served their deities dutifully, but never in his millennias of existence would he ever imagine that any of his kin would even begin to think of ruling mortals in such a way. Nor would even he, notorious human-hater, think to treat them like domesticated animals. Animals had their own intelligence, as humans did, but conflating the way the two were kept? How obscene. ( He wonders if the madness he encouraged while he ruled might have come to this, if Horus had not deposed him. Horribly, he cannot think it would not have. ) ]

No, that... was informative.

You had no power or control, so rather than yield to the hopelessness of your situation, you engineered relationships and dynamics with others that allowed you have it. You were part of a community of depravity, and as with every community — the shared experiences allowed you to circumvent the difficulties.

I was aware of the acts that men could inflict upon one another in the absence of women, but your situation involves similar elements — and comfort, instead. So much so, that you feel uncomfortable with women... hm.

Would you say you could have done the same, if you had been alone?

[ sorry he's rawdogging this like a freaky scientist, it's ✨a defense mechanism✨ ]

cw: suicidal ideation

[godspark]

[ inflicting upon one another? what a strange take, as though it's unusual to want men. or not desirable to want them. it's not the first time he's encountered that opinion today, and it's entirely confusing. ]

if i had been alone?

the field wouldn't really work that way, but if it did, i don't think i would still be alive. there were times that i wanted to die, anyway, and the others helped me out of it. we needed each other.

the vampires were the ones inflicting things we didn't want on us. sex between men, between us, that was good.

cw violence/sexual violence, femicide

[redsoil]

[ there are several things about dani's story he wants to ask about, but the tone of the conversation is not inviting them. instead, he wants to learn about dani's relative kindness despite the pains he holds — because something in set is deeply lacking in comparison. ]

The men in my world are the monsters. After they devoured their wives, sisters and daughters — they turned upon one another. They strove to kill, trade in flesh, abuse one another in life and death the way they had the women of my lands. We have no "vampires" to cause mortals grief. There is just the evils of men, and the god that allowed it.

[ Men inflict pain, agony. They dominate, and force others to submit. ]

You must understand that your comfort in other men is foreign to me. It is not unheard of, but not something I ever experienced. I would have thought a man who had gone through what you had would have been far more embittered to the abuse of his body.

Yet, there you were. Kindly and patient. In a way I never could be.

[godspark]

[ a terrible tale. this is far removed from the stories he had read; set, in them, had not been a victim of human men. ]

i am so sorry for what happened in your world. to you. to your women.

lexi talks sometimes about how humans destroy each other, how we're no better than the vampires. maybe he's right.

maybe anyone who has power will use it to hurt other people, and power itself is the problem.

i don't want to be that way. i don't want to hurt anyone else, i'd want them not to go through what i did.

but i'm not perfect. it took me a long time to see lexi as anything other than another vampire. longer still, to trust him. and still now i only trust that he cares about me, not that he would do any good for the rest of my people. i'm bitter enough. but that's not how i want to live. what's the point in having freedom if i'm still living in that cage?

[redsoil]

[ He hates admitting to anything. Part of him balks at the idea of even hinting at what he had gone through; an unforgivable weakness, that was all his own fault. Maybe it's why he's quick to clarify ( to lie ). Anything so that he isn't looked upon as someone who had violence visited upon HIM, even if it contradicts his tone. ]

Save your lamentations solely for the women. I would not be so quick with your sympathy for me. I only was speaking of all the work Osiris put me to fighting his wars, while he sat easy as God Supreme! And coveted my wife! Stole the lineage of my own child to "reward me with family", and told me it was because I was DEFECTIVE as a man.

I am the god that poisoned my land, after all.

The stories you tell among one another are not so different. I wanted power. I took power. And I wanted to hurt people.

I wanted to know why you would not. Do you not want to lash out and harm... Lexi? He is a vampire, whatever that is. You were tormented by vampires. You could take it out on him, a little.

[godspark]

no, i

well, i love lexi. i don't want to hurt him, that's the last thing i'd want.

but i have, lashed out at others. i did when i was young, i have a lot of scars for a reason.
and then. more recently, when one of them meant to kill me, i lashed out and i killed him. that's how i escaped from my field. and then on the road, there were others, and i killed them every time.

it just looks and feels like light to me, but it's dangerous. it turned them all to ash. it comes out when i'm in danger but it's inside me all the time.

i don't want that to happen when i don't mean it to. there's nothing good about hurting anyone else.