( it's not easy for marc to admit to struggling. he's grown better, with sterman: he can recognise when he needs more support, when he has doubts about himself and his lucidity.
when reese had come to him with a crescent dart pulled from the back of her friend, marc could not say with absolute certainty that it was not him. it had not been difficult for him then to call dr. sterman and ask for an appointment: people were in danger. people he was entrusted to protect.
but now? here? it's different.
it's not the first time he's been met with silence. as a boy, as a young man, he'd found nothing but silence when calling upon the god his father had worshipped without any semblance of doubt. khonshu has been silent before, but marc thinks that it had never been like this.
it's different.
(is it?) )
you're alone. ( of the ennead. he doesn't mean it maliciously, more factually. )do you have any connection with the rest?
[ 'Adrift' might be the word he would use for it, if he had not always been a strange god. A solitary, ever-transient god that had roamed far and beyond the borders of Kemet, consorting with foreign gods and their foreign peoples with a deep, innate curiosity for things that set him apart from even his immediate generation. It was easier, then, for him to adapt to the void within Stygia, the absence of the Ennead. It was not as easy, though, to adapt to the loss of divinity. ]
I had not found anyone with ties to the Ennead before you.
One of the leaders within the Hierarchy goes by the name of Amun, however.
[ talking to that guy is on his List πͺπͺπͺ ]
So any silence is as likely related to circumstance as it is choice.
( it's a question even if he doesn't ask β confirmation, more than anything else. the unasked question, the one he doesn't couch even in vagueness or glibness, is how much vengeance should be enacted in light of the circumstances.
marc's relationship with khonshu has ever been perpetually fraught, and he's never claimed to understand the whys of khonshu's decisions or choices, but perspective has never proven itself to be without worth. )
Such perils always come with gods of the people. Even hermits like Khonshu.
[ The one he knows of is a mysterious companion of Thoth. Elusive and fickle as the phases of the moon -- they don't talk much, as things oft are with the highly independent gods of Egypt. They have never needed to rely on one another, really. He's understanding that the origins of himself and Khonshu's chosen one are very dissimilar, save for names and domains. ]
I don't know. You'll have to make due with me, if you're desperate.
( it's not as simple as that: marc's interest in egypt and its gods is a result of circumstance, of khonshu choosing him rather than him choosing khonshu. he's not unaware of the irony: the god he'd been brought up to worship, to pray to, to believe in, had brought his people out of egypt, whilst the god he now worships — by a definition of the word — keeps him there, if not in body then in mind.
once upon a time, setting one god aside for another had been a simple, easy decision. he'd swapped an indifferent god for one present. there. one that promised marc both life and a lifestyle to which he'd grown accustomed.
one might assume that it would be simple again, but—.
it's not. not this time. )
I know.
( he doesn't clarify which part of set's response he's replying to, precisely. )
Are you?( that desperate, he means. marc is an challenging individual, and he knows that. )
[ There are none who would look upon him in adulation. Prayers are not given to a god of war, but in attempts to stave off the warlike nature of those gods. They exist to be appeased, not loved; feared, not treasured. What desperation ought he have, for adherents to flock to him? He would laugh so brightly, the prominent row of his fangs bared before the Knight's eyes, if he were there in person. Instead, he communicates his amusement in written form -- letters passed across an invisible battlefield. ]
I meant what I said. I will cast my attentions upon you in this place, in Khonshu's absence. I did not say it was for better. Does that feel born of desperate in your eyes, champion of the traveler?
[ The second half of his retort comes across primly: ]
( ultimately, the problem. marc remembers what it was like, what he was like the last time he'd thought khonshu had left him. remembers what he was like the time before that, too.
he'd been imprisoned, blamed for the actions of an unworthy wannabe fist of khonshu. he'd found himself drowning, floundering at the bottom of a bottle, and carving crescent moons into the foreheads of his enemies. it'd been easy to pass blame and judgement, but who he'd been then played a large part in who he is now.
even if he likes to think he's better than that. (now.) )
[ Like Marc, Set's words are direct and sharp. They lack a particular judgment or sneering loftiness, instead a tool of brutal curiosity. If anything, he is a very young variant of an ancient being - one who would, perhaps one day, fall into passionate malevolence if unable to break free of a cruel cycle. ]
Or is it that your only tie to that which you had, is me?
( marc thinks that he's fine with the unknown: knowledge isn't something he possesses in spades, he's never been particularly academic. it's only been in recent years that he's embraced learning in any great way — an accompaniment to his role more than anything else.
the unknown doesn't scare him. never has. there's too much that's unknown to warrant fear.
so is set right and it's the second option: the fact that marc has nothing here that's the problem? it's not as if khonshu had ever given marc much — a mission, yes, and his life. but marc knows that without the former, the latter is made up of nothing but bad choices and poor decisions. without khonshu, marc's life is—
—lacking. )
Neither.
( or rather, the problem isn't set. marc would be as unsure with any other god: he knows khonshu, knows his twisted, petty ways—
You will, champion. If someone must tell you so, let it be me.
You will wither without someone, in this place. We are your deliverance as much as the greatest insult to your freedom. Without someone to attend you, you will become a beast and be lost to Oblivium.
[ It is THE central issue, that he seeks to deal with in his own ways. His duty binds him, urges him to find a way to wrestle free the souls of Stygia that are trapped here; to pursue the sight of that sunlit land he had seen in the dying memory of their people. To end purgatory, and make good on his vow to his own child.
Marc is so terse. He smells of the Ennead in a way that draws Set in, that forces him to act up and act out. He wants to twist the man's head off his shoulders. He wants to bury his face into the palm of his hand and seek out the long line of divinity that leads back to Nut. A champion of his own people. There is automatic kinship there, and Set craves it as much as he wants to reject it.
( marc vascillates between talkative and not depending on situation, depending on how much control he perceives himself as having.
with god, he's rarely ever been one to really, truly open up.
khonshu wasβ
βnot the exception, not as such, but it wasn't often that marc had to speak to make his feelings known. khonshu had been inside his head: what did he need to say like that khonshu didn't already know? couldn't intuit? )
I don't need help finding allies.
( still, set's right. marc does need attention, he always has. that was why he'd donned the cape and the mask in the first place, it had been what drew him to khonshu first and kept him as khonshu's servant second, regardless of marc's own reluctance to either recognise or accept the fact.
he says he doesn't need attention because he likes to think he's better than that. likes to think that he's more discerning but if that were true, then he'd never have embraced khonshu at all, would he?
he's never worn desperation particularly well, no matter what else he might say. )
[ He's not that bothered, to be rejected so firmly and swiftly. The Ennead were highly independent gods, given to needing no true attachment to be able to perform their duties and prove their might; for Khonshu's champion to be this way is, quite honestly, what he expects. To desire aid from the evil god of war would probably go against everything he was to uphold. ]
( did it occur to marc that set might have been suggesting that they be allies? no, of course not. perhaps it should have, given the flow of their conversation, given set's offer to he look out over marc in khonshu's absence.
(but then, this is the man who didn't realise his best friend was in love with him.) )
There is a force that gathers against the souls of this land, seeking to devour all. We combat it not solely through strength of arm, but the composition of our souls - our emotions and memories. I had not thought my crimes against Duat had left the borders of Egypt, yet here is a land of the dead arrested and incapable of moving on. The sense I have made is that I must right my wrongs, for they have affected Stygia, too.
[ Slyly, he courts a hearty pause, before declaring: ] At least men like you and I are not completely unnecessary.
I am writing MY wrongs; that was not inclusive of anyone else.
[ The Shadowlands did not demand the presence of all evil-doers; there were many good-natured souls gathered among the Restless. Not that many, but enough. ]
We are violent, I mean. Stained with it, so that others might not have to be.
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no subject
when reese had come to him with a crescent dart pulled from the back of her friend, marc could not say with absolute certainty that it was not him. it had not been difficult for him then to call dr. sterman and ask for an appointment: people were in danger. people he was entrusted to protect.
but now? here? it's different.
it's not the first time he's been met with silence. as a boy, as a young man, he'd found nothing but silence when calling upon the god his father had worshipped without any semblance of doubt. khonshu has been silent before, but marc thinks that it had never been like this.
it's different.
(is it?) )
no subject
I had not found anyone with ties to the Ennead before you.
One of the leaders within the Hierarchy goes by the name of Amun, however.
[ talking to that guy is on his List πͺπͺπͺ ]
no subject
( it's a question even if he doesn't ask β confirmation, more than anything else. the unasked question, the one he doesn't couch even in vagueness or glibness, is how much vengeance should be enacted in light of the circumstances.
marc's relationship with khonshu has ever been perpetually fraught, and he's never claimed to understand the whys of khonshu's decisions or choices, but perspective has never proven itself to be without worth. )
No relation?
no subject
[ The one he knows of is a mysterious companion of Thoth. Elusive and fickle as the phases of the moon -- they don't talk much, as things oft are with the highly independent gods of Egypt. They have never needed to rely on one another, really. He's understanding that the origins of himself and Khonshu's chosen one are very dissimilar, save for names and domains. ]
I don't know. You'll have to make due with me, if you're desperate.
no subject
once upon a time, setting one god aside for another had been a simple, easy decision. he'd swapped an indifferent god for one present. there. one that promised marc both life and a lifestyle to which he'd grown accustomed.
one might assume that it would be simple again, but—.
it's not. not this time. )
I know.
( he doesn't clarify which part of set's response he's replying to, precisely. )
Are you? ( that desperate, he means. marc is an challenging individual, and he knows that. )
I'll look into having a conversation with Amun.
( ""conversation"". )
no subject
I meant what I said. I will cast my attentions upon you in this place, in Khonshu's absence. I did not say it was for better. Does that feel born of desperate in your eyes, champion of the traveler?
[ The second half of his retort comes across primly: ]
We are in agreement, then.
no subject
( ultimately, the problem. marc remembers what it was like, what he was like the last time he'd thought khonshu had left him. remembers what he was like the time before that, too.
he'd been imprisoned, blamed for the actions of an unworthy wannabe fist of khonshu.
he'd found himself drowning, floundering at the bottom of a bottle, and carving crescent moons into the foreheads of his enemies.
it'd been easy to pass blame and judgement, but who he'd been then played a large part in who he is now.
even if he likes to think he's better than that.
(now.) )
no subject
[ Like Marc, Set's words are direct and sharp. They lack a particular judgment or sneering loftiness, instead a tool of brutal curiosity. If anything, he is a very young variant of an ancient being - one who would, perhaps one day, fall into passionate malevolence if unable to break free of a cruel cycle. ]
Or is it that your only tie to that which you had, is me?
[ yea he's still an arrogant jerk ]
no subject
the unknown doesn't scare him. never has.
there's too much that's unknown to warrant fear.
so is set right and it's the second option: the fact that marc has nothing here that's the problem? it's not as if khonshu had ever given marc much — a mission, yes, and his life. but marc knows that without the former, the latter is made up of nothing but bad choices and poor decisions. without khonshu, marc's life is—
—lacking. )
Neither.
( or rather, the problem isn't set. marc would be as unsure with any other god: he knows khonshu, knows his twisted, petty ways—
(shit.) )
I don't need attention.
no subject
You will wither without someone, in this place. We are your deliverance as much as the greatest insult to your freedom. Without someone to attend you, you will become a beast and be lost to Oblivium.
[ It is THE central issue, that he seeks to deal with in his own ways. His duty binds him, urges him to find a way to wrestle free the souls of Stygia that are trapped here; to pursue the sight of that sunlit land he had seen in the dying memory of their people. To end purgatory, and make good on his vow to his own child.
Marc is so terse. He smells of the Ennead in a way that draws Set in, that forces him to act up and act out. He wants to twist the man's head off his shoulders. He wants to bury his face into the palm of his hand and seek out the long line of divinity that leads back to Nut. A champion of his own people. There is automatic kinship there, and Set craves it as much as he wants to reject it.
How ugly. ]
You'll need an ally, at the least.
no subject
with god, he's rarely ever been one to really, truly open up.
khonshu wasβ
βnot the exception, not as such, but it wasn't often that marc had to speak to make his feelings known. khonshu had been inside his head: what did he need to say like that khonshu didn't already know? couldn't intuit? )
I don't need help finding allies.
( still, set's right. marc does need attention, he always has. that was why he'd donned the cape and the mask in the first place, it had been what drew him to khonshu first and kept him as khonshu's servant second, regardless of marc's own reluctance to either recognise or accept the fact.
he says he doesn't need attention because he likes to think he's better than that. likes to think that he's more discerning but if that were true, then he'd never have embraced khonshu at all, would he?
he's never worn desperation particularly well, no matter what else he might say. )
no subject
[ He's not that bothered, to be rejected so firmly and swiftly. The Ennead were highly independent gods, given to needing no true attachment to be able to perform their duties and prove their might; for Khonshu's champion to be this way is, quite honestly, what he expects. To desire aid from the evil god of war would probably go against everything he was to uphold. ]
You're the one who came to me, anyways!
no subject
(but then, this is the man who didn't realise his best friend was in love with him.) )
Because I'm trying to make sense of this place.
no subject
We all are, champion.
There is a force that gathers against the souls of this land, seeking to devour all. We combat it not solely through strength of arm, but the composition of our souls - our emotions and memories. I had not thought my crimes against Duat had left the borders of Egypt, yet here is a land of the dead arrested and incapable of moving on. The sense I have made is that I must right my wrongs, for they have affected Stygia, too.
[ Slyly, he courts a hearty pause, before declaring: ] At least men like you and I are not completely unnecessary.
no subject
well.
shit. )
How do you figure that? ( the latter most point, he means. ) If we're 'righting wrongs' and all that.
no subject
[ The Shadowlands did not demand the presence of all evil-doers; there were many good-natured souls gathered among the Restless. Not that many, but enough. ]
We are violent, I mean. Stained with it, so that others might not have to be.