[ It isn't as though Set wants to be diving into the depths of a conversation about monstrosity and love, either. The tug of Hugo's hidden emotions elicits a visceral reaction in him, though: a sudden, violent need to shake the other man until all of the so-called maturity he developed in the wake of betrayal falls apart to reveal itself for what it truly is — the bitter, crawling need to survive one's own soul-deep agony by any means possible. Even if one must convince themselves they are something they are not, or feel something they don't. ]
I was never kind. Nor was I particularly "good", but I had pride in my responsibilities and I was a dutiful husband and father. My own brother betrayed me, and all of the gods — including my own siblings — stood by him. They never asked me what happened. They never considered my reasons. I was a monster to them, like you: a kinslayer, an evil god. They never trusted that I might have a reason for my actions, because Osiris had sown doubts about my character for centuries.
Doubts, like the ones Lycaon seems to have always harbored towards you.
[ He does not explain why it happened, because he simply would rather rip his Augmenter out of his neck and perish, than tell anyone — especially someone he is Imprinted to — about the horrors Osiris visited upon him. ]
Is it any wonder, I feel strongly about traitorous bxstards who proclaim to love us — and then abandon us, the moment we cross a line we could not avoid?
[ In his moment, he feels like he understands the Imprints a little more. It’s only a guess at best, since there’s nothing but his own feelings as justification for his theory, but… Much like the Souls they’re matched with, maybe there’s part of imprinting that cuts through to the truth of things too. Why would he imprint with people that have been quite violent to him, if not that? He’d just assumed it was the parts of himself that were deeply fucked up, but…
No, it’s Set and Silco both. As he’s gotten to know both of them, it reveals more similarities than he’s liked. Imprinting may not simply be a bond, but a mirror.
It’s one he doesn’t want to look into. ]
It’s not.
[ He does understand Set better now. Part of him wants to go for his usual tried and true deflection. When something is a little too personal or emotional, then he just turns it towards the other person. It’s never dishonest, because he does care openly and deeply for others, but he just doesn’t want that same thing turned his way.
However… That’s the mirror aspect, isn’t it? He doesn’t think that would work on Set. Because of this awful, shared feeling, he knows personally how that tactic doesn’t work. There’s another delay before he replies. ]
Thank you for telling me, at least. Maybe you’re not kind or good, but that doesn’t mean any of that was deserved. It’s cruel. I believe you. And I won’t doubt you.
[ It seems like his strategy of deflecting, but there’s an earnestness here that isn’t clear in text. For most, he would stop at that. But for once… He continues. ]
My entire life has been unhappy, to be honest with you. From the moment I was born, I wasn’t wanted, so abandonment and betrayal are practically my childhood friends. But it was easier then because there was no pretense about it. My mother, my siblings, anyone I ever met made it clear. I was unloved.
So, you can see why I fell for Lycaon. Even if I knew he didn’t trust me to be better than my circumstances… I was still young and desperate. It blinded me.
It’s not a mistake I’ll make twice. That’s all I want to say.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I was never kind. Nor was I particularly "good", but I had pride in my responsibilities and I was a dutiful husband and father. My own brother betrayed me, and all of the gods — including my own siblings — stood by him. They never asked me what happened. They never considered my reasons. I was a monster to them, like you: a kinslayer, an evil god. They never trusted that I might have a reason for my actions, because Osiris had sown doubts about my character for centuries.
Doubts, like the ones Lycaon seems to have always harbored towards you.
[ He does not explain why it happened, because he simply would rather rip his Augmenter out of his neck and perish, than tell anyone — especially someone he is Imprinted to — about the horrors Osiris visited upon him. ]
Is it any wonder, I feel strongly about traitorous bxstards who proclaim to love us — and then abandon us, the moment we cross a line we could not avoid?
no subject
No, it’s Set and Silco both. As he’s gotten to know both of them, it reveals more similarities than he’s liked. Imprinting may not simply be a bond, but a mirror.
It’s one he doesn’t want to look into. ]
It’s not.
[ He does understand Set better now. Part of him wants to go for his usual tried and true deflection. When something is a little too personal or emotional, then he just turns it towards the other person. It’s never dishonest, because he does care openly and deeply for others, but he just doesn’t want that same thing turned his way.
However… That’s the mirror aspect, isn’t it? He doesn’t think that would work on Set. Because of this awful, shared feeling, he knows personally how that tactic doesn’t work. There’s another delay before he replies. ]
Thank you for telling me, at least. Maybe you’re not kind or good, but that doesn’t mean any of that was deserved. It’s cruel. I believe you. And I won’t doubt you.
[ It seems like his strategy of deflecting, but there’s an earnestness here that isn’t clear in text. For most, he would stop at that. But for once… He continues. ]
My entire life has been unhappy, to be honest with you. From the moment I was born, I wasn’t wanted, so abandonment and betrayal are practically my childhood friends. But it was easier then because there was no pretense about it. My mother, my siblings, anyone I ever met made it clear. I was unloved.
So, you can see why I fell for Lycaon. Even if I knew he didn’t trust me to be better than my circumstances… I was still young and desperate. It blinded me.
It’s not a mistake I’ll make twice. That’s all I want to say.